Figure Out What You Both Want
It’s so important to talk about sex before it happens, especially in the case of hookups, because you just don’t know what to expect from the other person if you don’t. When you’re using one-night stand sites, it’s very easy to chat in e-mails when you’re setting up your hookup about your particular interests, kinks, and fetishes. This is an open-forum of information, more or less, and there’s absolutely no reason to feel shy about it. You’re about to have sex with this person; in order to have a good time and get what you want, you need to tell them exactly what you want!
The problem is, of course, that so many people are conditioned to just suck it up and deal with whatever sex that they can get. When you’re using one-night stand sites, you really don’t need to sit around and take what you can get. You can get exactly what you’re looking for, all because you’re being open, honest, and forthright with your interests. That’s what women want and expect, and so you should just give them what they ultimately want.
It isn’t difficult to bring this up in conversation. You’re all there for the same purpose: to get laid. Talk about it casually on your profile and when you’re chatting with your potential hookup, start asking her what she’s into. If she responds favorably, you can start elaborating further about what you’re into yourself. By doing that, you’re setting yourself up for a lot more fun in the bedroom on the night of your actual hookup.
Talk About Your Kinks
Everyone’s got some. That’s what makes sex so interesting, after all, but it’s still really important that the two of you go and talk about the kinds of kinks that you’d like to bring into the bedroom before you just show up and start throwing some ideas out randomly. It really doesn’t matter if you’ve been to swingers clubs in Alberta or checked out BDSM in any other city; not talking about it beforehand is a bad idea, especially if you’ve got some kinks in mind that require the use of safe words…and most should, trust us.
Depending on what the two of you want to end up playing around with on your hookup, you might want to discuss the kinds of scenarios that the two of you want to act out well before you actually show up and meet in person. This can make it a lot easier to get into a Dom/sub characterization, and make it a lot easier to be prepared with whatever supplies that the two of you might need. If you want to do a scene that requires more bondage than your usual hookup kid would have, then talking about that sort of thing beforehand is going to make the task much easier, and make it a lot more enjoyable for both of you to get involved and have a good time.
There are also kinks that require quite a bit of preparation, such as any sort of consent play. You should always discuss at length what sort of things you want to do on your hookup, and we usually don’t recommend this kind of kink for a first-time hookup. That being said, if you talk about it well in advance and really plan out the details of it, consent play is a viable option that you shouldn’t write off. Just make sure that both of you are familiar with being safe, sane, and consensula, and that you practice RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) in the bedroom. Having a safe word is a must in these situations; otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for being sentenced to prison for rape.
Talk About Your Fetishes
There are a lot of weird fetishes out there. There are some weird and fun ones, too, and no matter what you’ve got up your sleeve, if you want to involve them on the night of your hookup, then you need to chat your date up about them before you start fondling her feet or asking her to put on a fluffy chicken suit.
Whatever you’re into–again–it’s just important that you bring it up well in advance. Talk about it through e-mails or texts; we don’t really care how it gets chatted about, so long as it’s chatted about. If you try to start bringing up your fetishes in the middle of the two of you having sex, there’s a pretty good chance that she’s going to shove you off and walk right out the door. If you actually mention them beforehand, however, and ask her if it’s okay for you to do certain things, you’re going to end up with one happy camper and a hookup that neither of you will ever forget.
This goes for her, too, of course. Think about how you’d feel if the girl you were with suddenly told you she was going to cover you in honey and you were going to like it. That doesn’t exactly sound like the most pleasant thing in the world (think of how sticky it would be) but if she actually told you beforehand that honey-covering was her fetish; you might be more into it–if only for how turned-on it would make her. That’s why it’s so important to talk about this kind of thing, and just get it out of the way before the two of you start getting down and dirty.
Whatever You Do, Just TALK
It’s so important to talk about what you want to do before you meet up with your hookup. So many guys seem to think they can just walk into the room with a girl and do whatever they want because she’s horny, too, but that’s really not the case. You need to take the time to discuss with her what you’re both into, or otherwise, you’re going to end up disappointed and pretty annoyed at the way your evening turned out. You’re also going to end up with a reputation as a guy that just doesn’t give a damn about the woman he’s with, and that’s really no way to keep getting hookups. All it really takes is a little conversation, and believe it or not, it’s not like pulling teeth at all. Good luck, and have a lot of fun talking about sex.